Chapitre 7 :: A glimpse of memory

Publiée: 26-08-06 - Mise à jour: 27-08-06

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A soft knock sounded on her door.  

Kaori slowly lifted her head, sniffing faintly.  

Another knock, a little louder this time.  

She sat on the bed, staring at the door.  

It opened slowly and Ryo poked his head in.  

»Who said you could come in?«  

»Sorry.« He closed the door, walking to the bed. »I thought you were resting or something.«  

She arched an eyebrow. »So you decided to take a peek?«  

»No.« He looked offended. »I just… Uhm… I…« He rolled his eyes. »I thought to check on you.«  

»I’m fine.«  

»Of course you are.«  

»Then why did you want to check on me?«  

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. That was an excellent question indeed.  

»I thought… I thought there might be something wrong. You practically ran out of the living room earlier.«  

Her face darkened and her eyes shone strangely.  

»What is it?« he asked softly.  

She turned away. »Nothing.«  

He smiled. She sounded like a petulant child.  

She turned back to him, her eyes sparkling. »Am not!«  

He blinked. »You’re not what?«  

She looked like a rabbit trapped in the headlights. »Nothing.«  

»This appears to be your new favorite word.«  

»Whatever!« She jumped to her feet, but he grabbed her arm.  

»Where are you going?«  

She didn’t look at him. »Kitchen.«  

»Dinner can wait.«  

This made her turn. The tone of his voice didn’t promise anything good and one look up into his face, made her stomach roll with apprehension.  

»What happened?«  

His jaw was clenched so hard, a muscle did the boogie-woogie in his cheek.  

»Ryo… What did Saeko want?«  

He stared at the floor, his eyes vacant, still holding her arm.  

She moved closer to him. His grip was starting to hurt. »Ryo.« Cocking her head, she stared hard into his face. And it was then that it all started.  

The world lost its colors, turning black and white. It seemed as if everything had stopped. But what hit her most was the silence. It wasn’t like anything she’s ever experienced before. There wasn’t a whisper, a whiff of air… there was nothing, just that incredible silence in the still, black and white world. Deathly silence. Then, the noise began. Only a buzz at first, like a swarm of bees somewhere in the distance. The buzz started escalating, becoming higher and louder, until she could discern the individual sounds of it. She gasped, realizing what she was hearing were voices, human voices. Hundreds, thousands of them. Some yelling, some cursing, crying, begging for mercy, begging for redemption… begging for life. Soon all the voices blended into one, roaring, thundering inside her head. She felt sick, her head started hurting like hell and the black and white room started turning in circles around her. Faster and faster it went and Kaori thought she might vomit at any moment. The roar intensified, echoing in her ears, making her lightheaded. And then blood started seeping from the walls around her and her nostrils filled with a strange, sweet stench… Her heart stilled. It was the smell of death.  

Ryo was trying to get rid of the horrid memories inside his head. He knew something was going to happen. It was like a premonition. Every time he recalled his past, heard the voices of all the people he’d killed or failed to save, saw their faces, smelled their blood, it was like a premonition of something bad happening. Something bad happening to her. Kaori!  

She couldn’t stand it any longer. She couldn’t bear the noise any more. She couldn’t bear that smell. She couldn’t bear the sight of the blood seeping from the walls. She couldn’t stand it, creeping ever closer, threatening to catch her, soil her… mark her! Her hand flailing, she instinctively grabbed onto something. Something solid, something hard and warm, something to keep her grounded, safe from the blood and death…  

Feeling her hand on his arm, made Ryo finally snap out of his memories and look at her. What he saw, made his heart stop.  

Kaori’s face was ashen, her mouth was pinched and slightly blue, her hazel eyes were dark and empty, her pupils dilated frighteningly. She was staring straight through him as if he didn’t exist in the place she was in.  

»Kaori?« he whispered, letting go of her arm.  

Her arm finally freed, she grabbed at him with her other hand, her fingers biting into his flesh.  

His stomach wound tighter. »Kaori, snap out of it.«  

She didn’t appear to have heard him.  

Freeing his own arms, eliciting a whimper from her, he grabbed her shoulders shaking her. »Kaori! Do you hear me?! Kaori, what is it?! Come back to me!«  

The roaring inside her head subsided a little and she head another voice, different from the others, calling her name. But she was alone in the room. And how could any of those alien voices know her name.  

Kaori! Kaori, wake up! Come back to me! Kaori, please! KAORI!!!  

There, a light in her black and white, barren world. The blood seeping from the walls started receding, moving back, moving away from her… And someone stepped out of that light in front of her. A familiar silhouette. Yes, she knew those broad shoulders, she knew that chiseled jaw… She knew those strong features, she knew those dark eyes… She knew him.  

Color was slowly returning to her cheeks. Ryo shook her again. »Kaori! Kaori, wake up, for Christ’s sake! Snap out of it!«  

Her stare focused a little. »Ryo?«  

He breathed a sigh of relief. »Thank God… What happened?«  

»I don’t know.« Her legs wobbled a bit.  

He quickly circled her waist with his arms. »I got you.« In front of his eyes, her face changed at least three colors. »Kaori?«  

»I’m gonna be sick!« She pushed him away, running to the bathroom.  

She had barely enough time to fall on her knees and lift the lid of the toilet as her stomach literally turned inside out.  

Ryo winced at the sound coming from the bathroom. It didn’t sound human. Slowly opening the door, his heart squeezed at the sight of Kaori kneeling in front of the toilet, coughing her insides out.  

Tasting her bile, Kaori’s never felt more miserable in her entire life. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to come to terms with the vision she’s just had. She knew it wasn’t her imagination, she saw – SAW! – Ryo’s thoughts. Those voices, the blood, the smell of death… That were his emotions, his memories.  

Tears welled in her eyes. How could someone live with such memories? How could he remain sane? She only glimpsed a little of it and she was already heaving inside her toilet. He’s been living with those memories, with those voices all his life. How could he do it? She finally understood why he sometimes switched himself off. She finally understood why he went out every night and drown himself in alcohol and women. Understood, why sometimes he disappeared for a few hours without saying a word… She finally understood him a little better. His behavior, his seeming nonchalance… it was all a farce, a mask enabling him to forget for a while. But he couldn’t forget forever and that explained the nightmares.  

Yes, she heard him at night. She watched over him as he writhed on his bed as if in the midst of the fires of Hell. She knew he had nightmares, he refused to talk about them, and so she gave up asking a long time ago. But it didn’t keep her from wanting to comfort him, but she knew better than to get close to him as he slept. She knew, his instincts still reigned supreme over him in his sleep. But it didn’t keep her from wondering about his nightmares. Now, she wouldn’t have to wonder any more. Now she knew, she saw a piece of them… and she’ll never be able to rip those voices, the sight of all that blood from her mind.  

Her insides revolted again.  

»Kaori…«  

She went rigid. »Go away,« she groaned.  

»Why?«  

»I don’t want you to see me like this. Go away!«  

He smiled slightly. Picking up a towel, he wetted it, kneeling beside her and placing the towel on the back of her neck. »I can’t leave you like this.«  

»Yes, you can.« She heaved again. »Please, Ryo, just go away.«  

»C’mon, Kaori, don’t be like that.« He slowly stroked her hair. »How many times have you helped me puke my guts out?«  

She turned her head slightly, glaring at him.  

He grinned. »It’s the least I can do.«  

»You’re enjoying this a little too much for my taste.«  

His eyes darkened. »Maybe I’d enjoy it better, if you tell me what just happened.«  

She lifted her head, wiping at her mouth with toilet paper. »You’d never believe me,« she mumbled. 

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