Capitolo 26 :: 26

Pubblicato: 17-06-06 - Ultimo aggiornamento: 09-07-06

Commenti: ... THE END

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Did I disappoint you or let you down?  

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  

Kaori sat on a chair at the San Francisco International Airport, staring at the paper cup in her hands. The coffee has grown cold long ago, but she barely noticed. She just needed to hold something. Hold on to something, anything. If she didn’t, she feared she might break down and cry.  

Her plane had been delayed a few hours, which only added to the increasing panic inside her. She needed to get home, into the safety of her house as soon as possible. There, she could scream and cry as much as her heart desired. There, she could break down completely.  

Turning her head, she stared at the gray sky outside the window. She wondered if Mick has already delivered her notebook. He probably has. What would Ryo think of it? Would he even glance at it? And if he would open it, what would he think of her? That she was a romantic lunatic? Or would he realize just how much she loved him and how much it cost her to leave?  

Was he happy for her leaving? Or had he expected her to stay and beg, scream, argue… fight with all fours not to be sent away?  

Yes, why didn’t she stay?  

Because she knew – she had always known in some way – that he wouldn’t allow it. She has known, even last night, before he pressed her against the door and made her glimpse Heaven, that he would never admit in loving her. Because he couldn’t. And she had known… and understood.  

And yet, she took what she could. She has allowed herself a moment of true selfishness and she blatantly took what he so reluctantly offered. She has taken him inside her body, she has taken her soul inside hers… because she could. Because she had all the right in the world. He has always been hers, she has always been his. They belonged to each other.  

But she has left. She has respected his wishes and she has left. Because she knew he’d always fear for her safety, for her life… And if something had happened to her, he would never forgive himself.  

So she has left…  

But even if they would never see each other again, he would always remain with her. In her heart, in her memories… forever.  

So I took what's mine by eternal right.  

Took your soul out into the night.  

It may be over but it won't stop there,  

I am here for you if you'd only care.  

He has taken everything of her. Everything she offered and everything she held back. He has taken her soul and brought it into his dark, barren world of blood, suffering, and death. Last night, he has taken the soul of an angel and brought it to his hell.  

And God help him, but he didn’t repent of doing it. He would never repent. For the rest of his life, last night would remain branded into his mind, his body.  

You touched my heart you touched my soul.  

You changed my life and all my goals.  

And love is blind and that I knew when,  

My heart was blinded by you.  

It took hours, before Ryo finally gathered enough courage to open the notebook she left him.  

And when he finally did, sitting on the bed they’ve shared, warm tears spilled down his cheeks and he didn’t even try to stop them.  

The drawings came alive before his eyes, taking him on a voyage to the past, exactly eight years ago, when his angel came into his life and changed it forever.  

That beautiful angel has extended a hand to a despondent man who lived in constant shadow. The angel took his hand and shed light upon his world...  

Ryo brushed at his cheeks, slowly turning the pages…  

She has drawn their life in that notebook, her firm hand giving substance to those small pictures, depicting the four years they spent together… every argument, every moment of camaraderie… and he could feel her love transpire from the pages and wash over him.  

Then came the period of their separation… the drawings turned darker, the lines bolder… With every stroke of the pencil she depicted the loneliness she felt without him and her feeling of sadness and despair became his own.  

She was showing him how hollow and barren her life had been away from him… She was showing him, he was her rock, her anchor to this world. He and no one else.  

She has drawn her dreams – the lines were airy light, almost invisible. She dreamt of him searching for her and finally finding her, enfolding her into his arms…  

And again, the bold drawings returned, the strokes laughing at her girly romanticism…  

He arrived almost at the end…  

Their encounter… her fear and embarrassment, now that she knew the truth, was palpable… and still she dreamt of a happier time, of tender looks, caresses… deep kisses…  

His chest heavy, he turned the last page…  

… And was immediately transported a few hours back – to their night of love.  

I've kissed your lips and held your head.  

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  

I know you well, I know your smell.  

I've been addicted to you.  

The lines grew more and more thin and faint and it was then that he realized, she was saying goodbye in her own special way. She was saying goodbye forever, but she wanted him to have something of her, not just a memory…  

She wanted for him to have her dreams… He didn’t have his, so she was giving him hers. Dreams of a happier life…  

Goodbye my lover  

Goodbye my friend.  

You have been the one.  

You have been the one for me.  

Kaori leaned her head back into the seat, staring at the pink clouds outside the plane window. Soon, the sun would be setting… the perfect sight for romantic eyes… for the dreamers.  

But she couldn’t dream anymore. She had nothing to dream about anymore. Her dreams have come true.  

She never believed someone’s dreams might disappear. She never believed someone’s dreams could be taken away. But that’s just what happened to her. She had no dreams left… only the nightmare about the rest of her life. The nightmare that started the moment she closed the door to his bedroom behind her back.  

She would never forget him… He was her first and only love, he was inside her, under her skin forever. She would always remember last night – the saddest and yet the most beautiful night of her life.  

I am a dreamer but when I wake,  

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  

And as you move on, remember me,  

Remember us and all we used to be.  

Ryo moved to the window… The night had passed and he didn’t even notice. All he could see before his eyes was she. Kaori.  

He could see her big eyes, her sweet smile so clearly as if she was right in front of him. He could hear her voice whispering in his ear… words of love.  

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  

I've watched you sleeping for a while.  

I'd be the father of your child.  

I'd spend a lifetime with you.  

And as he glanced at the notebook lying on the bed, for the first time he started thinking about the life he could have had with her…  

She knew him. She was the only one who really knew him. She knew him better than anyone else. And she understood him better than anyone else.  

I know your fears and you know mine.  

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  

And I love you, I swear that's true.  

I cannot live without you.  

She even knew he loved her – utterly and unconditionally. He could see it in her eyes as she looked at him. She knew what he felt for her. She just wanted him to say it. And if he would have given her those words, she would have stayed with him… and they would’ve been happy.  

Yes, they would’ve been happy. He would’ve seen to that. They could’ve worked it all out in the end.  

He loved her… and thinking of the life to come, the life without her, his world turned dark and barren once more.  

His angel has left him. She has left him all alone again.  

Picking up the notebook once more, he looked at the last page… At the last drawing. A drawing of a couple of lovers. Star-crossed lovers.  

She had known what would have happened… the woman, her eyes sad and void, stared out of a plane window, while in the same drawing, yet so distant from her, the man, his features so strikingly resembling his, looked over the skyscrapers of a large, gloomy city, his dark eyes mirroring the images around him.  

Yes, she had known what would have happened.  

Ryo lowered the blinds, cutting the morning light out, plunging his room into darkness. This was the place for him. In the dark.  

With a sigh he lay on the bed, holding the notebook to his chest as he wept…  

Goodbye my lover.  

Goodbye my friend.  

You have been the one.  

You have been the one for me.  

The taxi stopped in front of her row house and Kaori tiredly alighted, sighing as she stared up at the dark windows. Funny, but the house that, just a few weeks ago, seemed so calming and soothing, a familiar ground for a soul without home, now appeared hollow and empty.  

The house mirrored her feelings, her inner turmoil. She was hollow. Everything happy and carefree she ever had inside of her, has remained back in Tokyo – with the man she loved.  

Ryo sighed her name in his sleep, smiling slightly as he felt her presence in the air around him. She was still there. He could always see her, feel her… even if only in his dreams.  

He ran his fingers blindly over the pages of the notebook… Such a warm sensation… Just like her skin.  

And I still hold your hand in mine.  

In mine when I'm asleep.  

And I will bear my soul in time,  

When I'm kneeling at your feet.  

He never noticed something was off with the notebook.  

The last page had been torn out…  

Hugging her waist, Kaori skipped down the porch steps, sitting on her lawn-chair with a tired sigh. She hasn’t called Bridget to let her know she was back. She needed some time alone. She needed some time to get the mask of normality back in place. She didn’t want to be seen just yet. Her mirror showed her she looked terrible.  

Throwing her head back to stare at the purple-streaked sky, she let her mind wander… Where was he now? What was he doing? Was he thinking of her? Remembering?  

With tears in her eyes, she reached into her pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. She still didn’t know what made her rip it out of the notebook. If she decided to give it to him, why rip this page out? Maybe because she didn’t want to give up all her dreams. Maybe she still wished, hoped that…  

Her eyes narrowed. Hope was futile, she learned it the hard way. It was over! It was all over!  

Her grip lessened and the piece of paper floated to the ground.  

Tears almost blinding her, she stood, running into her house.  

Goodbye my lover.  

Goodbye my friend.  

You have been the one.  

You have been the one for me.  

As the front door slammed closed, the piece of paper on the ground moved slightly. A soft breeze wafted over the lawn. The white sheet moved again. The breeze grew stronger.  

A gust of wind picked the paper up, making it hover for a moment just above the ground, before starting to slowly lift it up… Twirling it flew toward the sky.  

The feeble ray of the setting sun, shone its golden light on the last drawing, Kaori’s last dream… A dream, whisked forever away by the wind.  

That of a man and a woman locked in a loving embrace, tears of joy running down her cheeks as they found each other again…  

Goodbye my lover.  

Goodbye my friend.  

You have been the one.  

You have been the one for me.  

We’re finally at the end of this story. I've decided to make this ending a little different from the usual ones, so you won’t say that I always put those two together. Even though this time this ending has been decided from the very beginning. The story has been developed in a way that wouldn’t allow it to end any other way.  

Kaori has accepted that he will never be able to say the words out loud, he’s accepted they could never be together… and even though many of you don’t agree – I’m the author and it was my call, so DEAL WITH IT!  

I’ll say bye-bye now, send you a huge kiss and thank all of you who left me reviews (in order of appearance: Moon, Tasska, Lou, Engel, Loreley, Aline, Liftree, Marzia, Grifter, Chanlyr and Chronos), e-mails or contacted me directly on my website.  

Thanks to y’all for having read it! It’s been a pleasure!  

Peace!  

P.S. The song is Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt. 

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